Ms. Marble, I must admit your request for this interview came as a complete surprise. It isn’t every day I find myself at any location, let alone on location interviewing an admittedly beautiful, but basically inanimate fireplace.
I was intrigued though. May I ask why you wanted this interview?
Well, thanks to modern technology and digital television, I’ve been able to observe how today’s computers are being used to promote the stars, or lead characters, if you will, filling the pages, or hand held readers of today’s publishing world, and since I play such a vital role in The Pendulum Swings, I thought it was only appropriate and natural I offer myself and my unique observations about the—household to a savvy blogger such as yourself. I will admit that I have been following your July Bash and found your approach, refreshing.
You mean because I am a stationary fireplace unable to disconnect from this wall and travel all over the house?
Well, actually, yes! It seems to me you’re limited to what happens in this room, a very staid, even though well appointed, man’s den. How can you offer my readers a comprehensive picture of what goes on in the entire Moore-Reed household when you are permanently affixed to that wall?
That’s where most people have difficulty seeing the grander picture, Ms. Holmes. Although it is true I am forced by logistics, to remain somewhat sequestered in this room, what takes place in this room, and more importantly, what I myself participate in is, in my opinion, the most decisive part of The Pendulum Swings.
I know I do not look like it in the harsh light of day, but come around midnight, and this marble lady shines so brightly the master actually found me a most engaging dance partner…to begin with.
Ms. Marble, are you saying what I think you’re saying?
Oh yes. My marble is very smooth to the touch, and my bricks are well stacked. You look skeptical, but I am made from Imported Italian Marble, and when I begin to sway…
You and Mr…?
Then he began singing…he does have this tantalizingly hypnotic voice. He thinks he’s a tenor, although to be honest, he’s actually got this deeper, whiskey like lilt that makes my room spin. Baritone…that’s what I’d call it, especially after a dram or more of the good scotch he keeps in the bottom drawer of that desk.
Of course not! That would imply he would not find me delectable unless he’d had too much to drink, and that’s just not how it happened. Okay, he was drunk when he was playing ‘peep the keyhole’ with that hussy of a door over there, but by the time he made it all the way back across the room and began sliding his hands all over my lushness, it’d been fifteen, maybe twenty minutes since he’d taken his last gulp.
Ah, right. Why don’t you tell me in your own words, and from the beginning, what happened that one time?
I’d be thrilled to. When he came into the room he was royally steamed with “her” and I can certainly understand that. I don’t know exactly what happened, but by the time he got here, he was definitely snit-worthy. If I had actual ears, well he would have singed my drum hairs.
So Mr. Reed was upset about Mrs. Reed belly dancing and that’s why he was drinking?
Oh no, no, no. He was angry because he couldn’t figure out where the secret passageways to her bed chamber were.
He assumed that I was hiding at least one secret passage. This house was built by an old pirate, so Jason assumed the pirate would make certain to have included a secret passageway from this den to milady’s chambers.
He found his way back to me and began running his lissome fingers all over my body looking for a latch or a key, but getting all hot and bothered by being that close to me. I may be made of marble, and marble might seem cold and emotionless, but howdy-ho, he got my bricks a’ clacking.
And then what happened?
Oh my, Ms. Holmes, if I told you that it would be dancing and telling wouldn’t it? You’ll just have to read The Pendulum Swings, especially now that you know I, Ms. Marble, play such a critical and pivotal role. I can assure you and your lovely blog readers, you’ll never look at any fireplace the same way again.
For the rest of us, The Pendulum Swings by L.J. Holmes will be released by Muse It Hot Publishing on March 1, 2011.